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 Influence

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dragondeamon
Doom Knight


Posts : 6
Join date : 2011-08-21

PostSubject: Influence   Fri Nov 25, 2011 9:45 pm

I would appreciate honest feedback for the story I am writing. I have barely started it I haven't even come up with a real name for it yet.


Last edited by dragondeamon on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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Dart Ichimonji
Rage Warlord
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Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-08-09
Location : training grounds

PostSubject: Re: Influence   Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:08 am

good start, only problem is the wording is weird in a few sentences, but you got me interested

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dragondeamon
Doom Knight


Posts : 6
Join date : 2011-08-21

PostSubject: Re: Influence   Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:06 am

Thanks for the feedback would you mind telling me which Sentences could have better wording?
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Dart Ichimonji
Rage Warlord
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Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-08-09
Location : training grounds

PostSubject: Re: Influence   Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:16 am

who has barely knows how to lift a sword : just get rid of the "has

I have destroyed nations with that spell nothing compared to me!” : this one is just a little bit hard to understand what you mean, did he destroy nations who had that spell, or did he destroy nations WITH that spell. and which one is nothing compared to him, the nation or the spell?

thats it

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