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 Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero

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Nesanel
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PostSubject: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:14 pm

Okay, so here you can discuss my story!

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Dart Ichimonji
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:23 pm

I WAS IN IT.....WITH AN ARMOR I DIDNT EVEN UNLOCK Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:56 pm

You should be proud. Because in my story, ANYTHING is possible! Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:20 am

Is contructive criticism allowed???
I guess not...

For now I'm done here...
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:49 am

Look: I like it the way it is, and I worked pretty hard on it. It's fine the way it is, and I've gotten some pretty good comments about it. You can critisize now. Sad

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:10 am

I mean, you added Dart, but it's completely random...where did he come from???

Out of nowhere supposedly, but its just completely random...

And when you fight against the wizard, he just pops up...
It's basically like:

"Oh, hi there b!!! I was just wondering if you knew where the bathroom was."
"Yeah. It's in the bathroom."
"Cool."

*In the bathroom*

"Sitting on the toilet...sitting on the toilet..."
AS b sat pensively on the toilet singing his favorite youtube song, he noticed something. It was a penny! And then Barney came in with a shotgun and said "You will all poop or else I'll kill you." and then b was like, "Oh no...not Barney. I hate that ugly purple dragon." Soon, Necro had jumped on his back and the whole gang was beating him with sticks in the middle of a jungle...

It's kinda likke that for me right now...kinda confusing...(I might have over-exaggerated a bit, but not by much...)
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:38 am

explanation for my arrival to be explained next chapter maybe?

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 9:48 am

Of course. But D1F3, I'll explain things better next chapter. I just like writing now. Now I have something to do when I don't feel like going on my DS, Wii, TV, or making sigs, I can write!

Oh!

WRITER RANGER BLUE! GO!


WRITERR RAANGER GREEEEEN...! GO!!! *bumps powerfists*


Yeah!!! *High Five*

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Gavon Felarian
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:08 pm

"We took the gem and the ground started rumbling"
Nah, na na, naaaah, na na , nahhh...
*Indiana Jones music*

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Nesanel
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:43 pm

Pretty much. I got that idea FROM Indiana Jones. Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:13 am

Quote :
"Okay, breathe in deep breaths, and keep steady. Now, I’m going to try to find the broken bone, and when I find it, don’t hold any screaming back. Okay?”

No offense, but if I broke a bone, I would most likely know where it was...

On the plus side, I like how you and Necro have completely opposite beginnings in the "A Hero is Bored" saga...I mean, you were pretty verclemt and mean, while Necro was mysterious and kind...

Downside, its retelling the plot of DF and i don't think they had pizza and coke back then...(Then again, I'm not the Coke company...)

Review:
Writing Style: Better, still could do with more details...leaves me wanting more and I want more of the STORY not more DETAILS

Plot: Meh...I don't like that you are retelling the plot, but as long as you mix it up, it should be alright...

Rank: Out of 10, I give it a 6...
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:38 am

Oh, well, in my story, Gavon is doing some of the Oaklore quests, that you actually do in the beginning, but he isn't going to be doing any storyline things, except some warring, and fighting against the SMUDD.
Is that ok?

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:50 pm

Retelling the plot is perfectly fine, it just needs to have a twist...

I don't want to hear what I've already done, I want to hear something different...
Something crazy that makes you want to continue with the story along with replaying the DF storyline again...

Like maybe, the good guys are actually all wrong/evil...
The hero is actually been working for the enemy...

Something so original, that it makes me cry because it is so genious...
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:03 pm

Itachi FTW! And, here's a Klondike Bar. *Offers Klondike bar*

You make me happy, I make you happy.

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:47 pm

Great section...

I thought you were going to contemplate leaving Spyte there since Vae'n killed Necro...

Also, you should put Vae'n's full name not just Vae'n...
You can talk to him as Vae'n, but when describing him and stuff it should be Vae'njaece...
(I'll change that for you)

That's about all I have. It's MUCH better than previous...
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 4:28 pm

Really? Necro didn't like it. I guess...

How about I think up something that you AND Necro will both think is good? I got 2 days until school, and I still need some shirts and sneakers.

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:29 pm

THis new section made me a little mad...

When I add it to my story, I'm adding a LOT of internal thoughts to Vae'n
1) Even though you are strong, Vae'n would not be going all out and be hit..,
2) When I say thx and sry, it doesn't make me happy...
(Gavon was supposed to be caged after his death and since he's a Necromancer I KNEW he would return...)
3) Some of the sentences were wierd and added to my anger...
(I thought I told you to PM me the details before submittal...)


Edit: It's changed...cool


Last edited by D1F3Forum on Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Gavon Felarian
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:38 pm

Gavon didn't use Necromancy to revive himself...
That isn't even possible...

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:01 pm

Well...I figured with your power that you would return somehow or another so I was gonna cage you in something similar to what Luthian is in...(My story)
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:56 am

nice, only advice i have is to make fight scenes more detailed, let people be able to picture it in their minds while not beeing so wordy as to bore them, thats the tricky part

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:33 pm

I'm gonna start the story again. Okay Dart, I'll try.

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Mon Sep 19, 2011 6:14 pm

alright then -sits and waits for revised story- o.o....i want a cookie

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:59 pm



Well, I'm thinking of starting up a new series (When I have free time, of course), and ending my current one. Like the poster? Very Happy

Edit: Oh, and because of my story and all of the work I put in during the summer, I'm getting A's in my English class! YAY!

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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Mon Oct 10, 2011 10:14 am

That is a pretty epic banner, my friend.

Is your character backstory gunna be basically the same?
Because I don't want to have to change my story to fit yours. (I will if you want me to, though)

Anyway, have fun, that is what writing is all about!

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Nesanel
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PostSubject: Re: Nesanel Wolfblade: Destiny of a Hero   Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:48 pm

As in, it's the second chapter. Maybe I'll get started when I do my speech tonight (Homework. Won't get into detail.).

But I need the setting. I think this time I'll be a bit older...or....I have an idea. I think I'll make it that I get hit by some holy water by some evil dude (I'll think something up later), and I'm changed into a 14 year old again. And I need to find the cure, so I can be 17 again. But as I journey, I realize new lessons, and I become even stronger than before (New combos of moves, to make it more deadly)!

Writing again feels great. Oh, and here is my new computer screen background.

http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif

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